Doctor Auntie Series

Dieter's Woes


There is always more you can do
When it comes to losing weight,
I think of all the apples I chew
And wonder how that is a carbohydrate!

Last night, for the sheer lack of will
At Koshy’s I ate
2 fried sausages and cakes until
I remembered my inclining weight.

Every day I chew and I chew
On salads for five hours straight,
Hoping that all I do
Is everything but a carbohydrate.

Doctor Auntie does not want to hear
Any excuse
Which, she doth fear
Will keep me from eating only lettuce!


- Dolashree K Mysoor




'Drink Hot Water', She Says

 ‘Drink hot water’, she says-

For the cravings will cease to persist.
There have been many, many days
On which I have not been able to resist.

She says, ‘Check your weight daily’
For temptations will cease to exist.
On days when I have eaten gaily,
Doctor Auntie, this one activity I will desist.

I will try and try and try
To follow your diet plans,
But my taste-buds cry and cry and cry
For all those sugary clans.

Meringue & Pavlova, LLP,
It seems want only my opinion,
And they will not let anybody else be
That evil sugar’s doting little minion.

‘Don’t buy junk food’, she says,
‘For you will eat it all up foolishly’;
Soupy hues of blues and grays
Have been stocked in my cupboard sheepishly.

Doctor Auntie’s advice till date,
Has left me with a lot of faith.
And my little thinning fate,
Come soon she prayeth.

-Dolashree K Mysoor


Ode to Doctor Auntie

I

For those of you who may not know her,
Doctor Auntie is an avid fatness fighter.
Her specialization is endocrinology,
And getting fat is in everybody’s genealogy.

If, and when you decide to lose weight,
With her you can attempt to debate;
For she will tear down all your ‘work’ related arguments,
And teach you how to easily break down fats in fragments.

On nutrition and exercise she will insist,
No matter how much you resist.
For, she only wants you to understand
That healthy eating is not an arid land.

Her expertise in the matter
Will drive that pancake batter
Straight out that window
To be eaten by a crow.

II

Eating and saving are synonymous,
So, stop being such an ignoramus!
Listen to her and you will begin to regret,
That Cheesecake and you ever met.

She will teach you how to properly eat
Only if you promise not to cheat;
Her clever alternatives to sugar and fat,
Will make you wonder why you didn’t think of that!

When you understand that all your visceral fat
Will not miraculously disappear over a coffee-chat;
You will finally step out of your ignorance
And understand Doctor Auntie’s benevolence.

Hopefully, you will now learn to eat,
Apples and carrots and lean meat;
Understand that a delectable sugary thriller,
Is an efficient longevity killer.

III
She says that staircases are the best
To make you fit enough to climb the Everest.
Now that you know you are an absolute Fool,
Start listening to her and don’t be cruel.

Burn those calories first she says,
In the given many, many ways;
Daily movement of your rotund rump
Will ensure you don’t become a permanent lump.

For all those aches and pains in your joints and back
Because of your colossal stack,
Consult Doctor Auntie on an effective exercise
Before you end up in a box of ice.

Forget your ‘time’ related reasons,
And consider all your treacle tart treasons;
And to exercise, if you still refuse
You will thoroughly inspire my coming muse.


IV

Forget the television experts’ bray,
Else, you might end up green or gray.
Proteins and carbohydrates must be home-made,
Or the mortician will start to dig with his spade.

Check your weight every day,
And let her have the final say.
And if you would like to stay senile
Do continue to live in denial.

For those of you who may not know
Healthy food is not such a low,
4 litres of water per day, if you can guzzle,
You will solve that great metabolic puzzle.

Regularly write down everything you eat,
In reds and greens and a manner neat;
And when your calorie consumption gives you an utter shock,
‘Move around extra!’ says the Doc.

-Dolashree Krishnamurthy Mysoor